“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:34-35 NIV)

The word love encompasses many feelings. I believe that the type of love Jesus refers to in John 13:34-35 is about compassion, empathy, and benevolent concern for the good of others. Purposeful love is a mindset of intentionally considering how one’s actions affect others. Purposeful love is about making intentional choices to ensure that our actions fulfill that description of compassion, empathy, and benevolent concern for the good of others. Jesus did just that. And, He commands us to do the same.

Sadly, the recent news is reporting that heroin use in the US is up and the search is on to find out why. When I heard that report my first answer to that quandary was that it’s because people are hurting and they want a way to end their pain quickly. What the world needs isn’t drugs. What the world needs is more Christians to show the love of Jesus so that people will know that even though they must go through pain sometimes, Jesus will help them get through.

Last month, my son came home from preschool singing a song he learned. Proudly he sang out, “Love is something if you give it away, give it away, give it away.” Yes, love is something if we give it away. Love is healing to someone, if we give it away. Love is peace for someone, if we give it away. Love is restoration for someone, if we give it away. Love is release from burdens for someone, if we give it away. Love is salvation for someone, if we give it away. Jesus, He’s love.

When I think about the word give, the phrase that comes to my mind is “selfish-freedom.”  It’s a conflicting paradigm on the outset, to say the least.  I think it makes sense to predict that most people probably describe the opposite of giving as selfish.  I define selfish as being primarily concerned about one’s own pleasure and gain.  Is it the antithesis of a giving spirit?  Maybe it is, or maybe it is not.  It’s all in your perspective.

I believe that one of the side effects of giving is the freedom that comes from doing it.  There is freedom in giving.  Even when we don’t intend on it, giving takes our minds and our thoughts off of ourselves and allows us room to focus on others.  When we are manifesting a spirit of giving, we are freeing are minds from focusing on our own baggage – our tough times, our heartache, our trials and tribulations, our disappointments, and our lack.  Giving is not just a distraction ploy to take our focus off of what we may be going through so that we can feel better.  Giving helps us to be open and available to extend our resources to others because it takes our focus off of ourselves!  Then we are free to be more present to others.

Yes, I give to help others.  I give because my divine Creator calls me to.  I give because it’s important to me to make a difference in someone else’s life.  I give because I believe that what goes around comes around.  Therefore, I give because I have benefited from the generosity of others.  And, I give to free myself of myself.  I love what giving does for me.  That, by definition, may be selfish, but it’s one selfish need that I willingly fulfill.

Love & blessings,
Davida

Happy New Year everyone! We’re almost 3 weeks in to 2014. How is everything going for you? What would you like to create in your life? How would you like to design your life? What would you like to do? What are your options?

Those are a few of my favorite questions that I like to ask myself and my clients. I think it’s our natural inclination to not ask those powerful questions on our own. And, I think we should. Our lives are too precious and too important to not live them to the fullest and on purpose. And you can! Life is not just about what happens to us, but how we respond to it. I can’t say that enough! Change your perspective and you can change your life.

“I Love you.” How many times have you said that to someone else? How many times have you said it to yourself? Do it. LOVE YOURSELF! It’s ok to do. It’s not selfish. It’s not wrong! Show yourself some love today! Take care of you.

Need some support to live by design? Let me know. Send me a message or contact me through my website.

With love,
Davida

The holidays can be difficult when grieving.  It may be hard to try and celebrate after experiencing the loss of a loved one or a non-death type of loss (like the loss of a job, the loss of house, etc.).  Sometimes the holidays can lead to increased feelings of sadness, anxiety, dread, or guilt.  The journey of grief is not a straight line from Point A to Point B.  Experiencing grief is more like a circle.  Sometimes it can feel like feelings that may have been worked through have resurfaced.

Here are a few things that I like to share for dealing with grief and the holidays.  My hope is that if you are grieving during this holiday season, or if you share these with someone you know who is grieving, that they bring help and comfort.

- Don’t be afraid to communicate and share how you are feeling with others.

- Say no when you need to.  It is ok to say no to an invitation if you would rather not attend the event.  It’s important to listen to your heart.  Listen to and accept advice from others, but value your own needs and wants, and decide to do what’s right for you.

- Be open to change.  Maybe doing things the same way as you have done each holiday might not be as comfortable while grieving.  Changing holiday traditions can be helpful.  Also, starting a new tradition could give new meaning to your holiday, like lighting a candle in memory of your loved one or traveling to some place new.

- Lastly, be gentle with yourself.  Remember that experiencing grief and its associated feelings is completely normal.  Shower yourself with love, patience, kindness, and peace.

With love,
Davida

My heart, thoughts, and prayers go out to those who are grieving. The holidays can be tough grief-wise. I’ll share some of my helpful tips in a future post, but for now I’d like to share one of my favorite poems. If you have experienced the loss of a loved one, my hope is that this comforts you.

We Remember Them
~ From Gates of Prayer – Reform Judaism Prayerbook

In the rising of the sun and its going down,
We Remember Them.

In the bowing of the wind and in the chill of winter,
We Remember Them.

In the opening of the buds and in the rebirth of spring.
We Remember Them.

In the blueness of the skies and in the warmth of summer,
We Remember Them.

In the rustling of the leaves and in the beauty of autumn.
We Remember Them.

In the beginning of the year and when it ends,
We Remember Them.

When we are weary and in need of strength,
We Remember Them.

When we are lost and sick of heart,
We Remember Them.

When we have joys and special celebrations we yearn to share,
We Remember Them.

So long as we live, they too shall live, for they are part of us,
We Remember Them.

Love & Blessings,
Davida

I believe in being direct.  Sometimes there’s no point in sugarcoating things (as my grandma would say).  So, let’s face it, experiencing challenging times in our lives is unavoidable.  It really is.  But, we can control how we handle them!  The truth of the matter is that we can not always control what happens to us in life, but we can always control how we respond.

I was re-reading the story of Joseph’s journey in the book of Genesis.  I won’t go into all of the details, but in a nutshell, Joseph went from being thrown into a well and sold away by his jealous brothers to being appointed to govern Egypt by Pharaoh.  It wasn’t an easy journey for him.  He endured being lied upon, imprisoned, and forgotten.  But, through it all he didn’t give up.  At least, I haven’t seen any record of that in the Scriptures.  I don’t know about you, but being discarded by family (after they wanted to at first kill you), to being sexually harassed by your boss’ spouse, to losing your job and being put in jail, and to being forgotten there by someone who could have helped to get you out are major hardships and challenges to face.  That’s a tough journey, to say the least.

Our situations may not be the same as Joseph’s, but our experiences may be just as hard, difficult, and challenging for us.  And, just like Joseph, we can choose not to give up.  What if Joseph had given up in the well?  What if he took on a broken spirit and dwelled in a pity party of “Woe is me?”  He would have never made it to the throne!  What will you miss out on in your future if you give up now?

With love,

Troubling, Difficult People….

- You try to avoid them…
- You try to get rid of them…
- You even try to run from them…

… but they still keep coming into your life and sometimes it’s not all that easy to avoid being affected!

What you need is a tool kit!  Join us for:

IS THIS GROUP FOR YOU?
- Do difficult people stress you out?
- Do you find it difficult to “make them happy” or to end a difficult encounter?
- Do you replay difficult conversations in your head?
- Do upcoming meetings with difficult people keep you up at night?
- Would you like to know how to brush up your communication skills when dealing with difficult people?
- Would you like to leave a difficult person in better shape than when they found you?
- Do you freeze and think of things you “should have said” after a confrontation?
- You feel you know how to deal with difficult people but they leave you exhausted and cranky?

If you answered YES to any of these questions, THIS WORKSHOP IS FOR YOU!
 

TUITION:
This group is FREE. You pay only for the long distance telephone charges, if they apply.

REGISTRATION:
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This morning as my two youngest children and I were walking, my 3-year-old son decided to walk along the curb, tightrope walker style.  Then naturally his younger sister (she’s 21 months old) wanted to do the same.  So, wanting to help encourage her independence and confidence, I let go of her hand so she could walk on the curb by herself.  But, she stumbled a little and lost her balance.  I didn’t just grab her hand to help her out.  I gave her the choice by offering her my hand to hold as she walked.  She grabbed on to my hand and walked the rest of the way on the curb with less stumbles.

Then the light bulb went off for me.  How many times in our lives have we tried to walk along the curb of our lives alone, and then we found ourselves stumbling along and feeling overwhelmed because we couldn’t balance it all?  Remember that God is waiting there, with the offer of His extended hand for us to choose to grab hold of.  If we hold on to his hand as we walk throughout life, we’ll be able to find the balance, help, and relief we need to have a smoother journey along the “curb”.  Don’t give up; just hold on to God’s hand!

Until next time!

Love,

I love being present in my children’s lives. As much as I’m supposed to teach them, I learn so much from them as well. On the way to get a snack, I overheard my son say to my middle daughter, “Let’s work together so we’ll have more energy.” He got that phrase from one of his favorite cartoons, but it has just as much value for us in the real world. It led me to think of how much energy, progress, and success we could have if we work together instead of against or apart from one another. So much more could be accomplished in our personal lives, relationships, and professions (not to mention in our government, but that’s another post for another day).

I think one of the hardest parts in working together is overcoming the temptation to operate out of our ego. For me, operating out of our ego means subconsciously thinking about ourself in a way where we are distracted from the situation or problem at hand (more about this in a future post). Here’s an example: when in a heated discussion with someone we stop talking about the situation and use our words to hurt them by attacking their character, or we close ourselves off to the discussion and focus on proving how right we are (and conversely how wrong the other person is).

It will take some time, but you can stop operating out of ego and stay present to working together. It’s a matter of choice.  Keep your goals in mind. By doing so, it’s a lot easier to have actions that are in alignment with your goals.  Now this doesn’t mean that you won’t ever have the temptation to operate out of ego. Trying to get rid of that is futile. But, you can choose to ignore it and stay focused and present on the issue at hand.

Living By Design Moment – How can you stay focused on working together with others and avoid the temptation to operate out of ego?